What NOT to say to someone with BPD

1. "Why can't you hold down a relationship?"

   
   

   People with BPD suffer from extreme mood swings. We need a lot of reassurance and most people are not willing to give that. This can lead to regular arguments and make it very difficult to hold down relationships.

   
   

2. "You're crazy"

   
   

   It is common for people with BPD to experience guilt and anxiety already. No one wants to hear this. It invalidates our feelings and makes us feel like we are not good enough to even be around people.

   
   

3. "You don't need to be angry all the time"

   
   

   We don't do well with confrontation. It can cause us to feel like a failure. We already know we shouldn't be angry, but we struggle with impulsivity and the longer we hold in our emotions the more extreme the anger is going to be.

   
   

4. "You only care about yourself"

   
   

   I've been told this by multiple people. It isn't true. It is common for people with BPD to come off as manipulative when that isn't our intention. I am usually just trying to make the person understand that I'm not always capable of what they are asking of me.

   
   

5. "What caused your disorder?"

   
   

   BPD is often caused by trauma; therefore, this can come off rude. We don't always want to share that information with just anybody.

   
   

6. "It's all in your head"

   
   

   The symptoms of BPD are real symptoms. This can be very invalidating to someone with BPD. We are trying our best to cope as it is.

   
   

7. "Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar are the same thing"

   
   

   This is not true. Bipolar is a mood disorder; whereas, BPD is a personality disorder. Bipolar mood swings tend to last long periods of time (weeks or days). Borderline mood swings can happen quickly and suddenly. My mood can change within the hour. They can be diagnosed together, but they are not the same thing.

   
   

8. "Stop being paranoid"

   
   

   This can actually make someone with BPD more paranoid because they feel like you aren't understanding their issues. It is best to reassure them and tell the person with BPD that you care about them.

   
   

9. "You were just fine"

   
   

   People with BPD have sudden mood swings. These can be triggered by small things. I have been triggered over someone ignoring my phone calls or texts. BPD is a fear of abandonment, so when we feel ignored we can get triggered very quickly.

   
   

10. "You're emotionally unstable"

    
    

    We already know we are emotionally unstable. Mood swings are one of the symptoms of BPD. It can also be called emotionally unstable personality disorder. We can't control it no matter how hard we try.

    
    

People with Borderline Personality Disorder already have a strong fear of abandonment. Saying any of these things can be invalidating to the individual with BPD. If you don't know what BPD is, then read my latest blog post before this one. It is extremely important that you don't say things like this to anyone with BPD. We require a lot of reassurance and these words don't help with that. It is important to remind anyone with BPD that you love and care about them. Please feel free to comment with any questions about BPD.