Please remember that being out in the world can be more stressful to us (i.e, people with disabilities) than it may seem to you. For me, just being at a grocery store can take up a lot of energy with the loud noises and crowded space. A lot of people with autism are also very literal. I want to elaborate on this because I've been getting a lot of shit lately. The other day someone questioned how I understood one thing he said, but not the other. This was offensive to me because I felt like I was being made fun of for having a disability. I want to make it clear that no one with a disability is trying to be a pain. We just need more elaboration than the average person sometimes.
There have been times where I am asked to do something (e.g, put a movie in, bring out a game, log into something) and I take it very literal. I just put the movie in the player, bring out the game, or log into my account. Everyone expects me to "just know" that I am supposed to turn on the TV as well or set up the game, but I don't always. When it comes to logging into something, I usually log into my account, but am not exactly sure why I was asked to until I have an explanation. I get told "you're old enough to know what I mean" a lot. What neurotypicals don't understand is that those of us with autism don't "just know". We don't have the same "common sense" that you have. We do not pick up on all the ques that you do. All we ask is that you are patient with us and if we ask a lot of questions, answer them. You can't just yell at us for not understanding even if it is frustrating for you. It is frustrating for us too, believe me.
There was a day in my classroom that we were working on an assignment about weather. They were drawing pictures of how the weather would look on different days (e.g, raining, snowing, sunny). My student did not know that he was supposed to draw a picture, so I told him to draw the weather and draw snow. He literally wrote the words "weather" and "snow" on his paper where the picture was supposed to go. I realized I didn't explain exactly what I meant. This is why it is so important to elaborate on what you are trying to say when working with a student with autism. This same student fidgets with his hands a lot, which I also do. Joe, another student commented on his fidgeting because he was mad. He said "Why are you always touching people's stuff and playing with your hands all weird like that?" I told my (neurotypical) co-worker and her response was simply "Well he does do that." She didn't see it as a problem; however I was really offended. I think it is important to not point out that we are different.
I feel that neurotypicals do not realize how sensitive those of us on the spectrum are; or really anyone with a disability. Pointing something out even if it is true is rude. We may not show a reaction to you, but trust me it hurts us. It's like us pointing something out that you are really insecure about. I'm sure you wouldn't like that. Please keep this in mind next time you're around those of us with a disability. My co-worker also commented on another student, let's call her Amy. My co-worker said "I know Amy doesn't understand because she's always got a question." This really hit home because I ask questions to the extreme. People always think I'm starting an interrogation, but I'm really just trying to understand what they are saying. For those of you who think like this, please listen. When someone with a disability asks a question, they are either genuinely confused or still processing whatever it is you asked or said. When someone talks to me or asks me a question, sometimes I respond instantly by asking a question back because I don't want them to think I wasn't listening. The reality is I just haven't processed what they said yet. Me asking a question back related to what I was just asked is my way of showing you that I am listening and I need a minute. Patience is key when speaking to anyone who has a disability.
Something really important to me that I think everyone should know is that autism cannot be fixed. It is a neurological disability, not a disease. A person can learn coping strategies, but their autism is not going to magically be cured. I've been asked if my anxiety of going to new places or meeting new people will ever get better. Honestly it is hard to answer this because I can't predict the future; however, I can say in 21 years of life it hasn't changed much. Meeting new people has improved slightly, but being in a new place still is stressful for me. The only way to prepare someone with autism for this is to tell them what to expect. Telling us the person is laid back does not help much. Personally, I still have to think about the fact that I don't understand social cues, I will be fidgeting, I barely can make eye contact, and in my case if there is food involved I am extremely picky and probably won't eat it. I think neurotypicals have this idea that because they are easygoing it makes it easier for us to be around them for the first time, but that honestly isn't always why we're nervous. Usually us being nervous comes from being self-conscious of our disability. It has nothing to do with you.
Telling me what to expect in a new situation can help a bit or making a plan, but in the end I'm still in a new place and those of us with autism just aren't really fond of change. I am not trying to upset or offend anyone here. I really just want those of you who spend a lot of time with people with disabilities to understand how difficult the real world is for us. I know neurotypicals have their own stuff to deal with and I am not asking you to be perfect. I just ask that you have a little bit of patience for us and please don't make comments about our flaws anymore. It is offensive. I also want to be clear that not everyone with a disability is the same, but these are some of my biggest challenges, along with some other people I know.
I also want to note that all the names I use are fake for safety reasons.
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