As I got older, I realized there are a lot of things I did as a kid that I don't think were considered "normal." Some of them might just be normal kid things, but I believe a lot of them had to do with me being autistic. If any of them relate to you or someone you might know with autism, tell me in the comments!
When I was little I was obsessed with my stuffed animals and especially one doll that I carried anywhere. I treated the doll like she was part of my family. I would include her in board games if we didn't have a player, pretend to feed her, took her to the grocery store, etc. If I ever lost her I would get really worried and had to try to find her ASAP. Sometimes, I also would cut out pieces of paper into the shape of dolls. I would include them into my collection of dolls as if they were real. I would take pictures of them and play with them, even though they were just papers. I also loved Disney Princesses. I was specifically obsessed with Sleeping Beauty. I loved her and always wanted Disney Princess related things.
Another thing I did that was always weird to my family was hanging out in the bathroom. I'm not sure why, but I found a lot of comfort in just sitting on the bathroom floor. I was never using the bathroom. I would just sit on the floor and read a lot because I liked being in there. Now that I'm older, I think it may have been that it was quieter in there than the rest of the house, but I'm not too sure why it was comforting. I also loved to sit on the kitchen counter to eat snacks. I would always climb onto the counter if I was just grabbing a snack. I didn't find it as exciting to eat at the table. I was also really weird about putting chap stick on. I used to get told I put an excessive amount on, but as I got older I realized that I just needed it to be perfectly even, which is why it always took me forever to put it on. I'm sure there were other things around the house that I can't think of that the moment.
I made a lot of weird noises or facial expressions when talking to people. I only did it around the people I was close to though. It's hard to explain the noises, but they were very sudden and out of nowhere. I never realized I made weird facial expressions until people started pointing it out. I struggled with socializing as well. I didn't ever want to stay the night anywhere, including my friends houses. It was really difficult to make myself go. I usually only went because I did not want to upset my friends. Socializing was exhausting for me. I was also very literal. I remember the first time my mom said "killing two birds with one stone;" I was confused about the expression and took it very literally. I had to ask her about it and she explained it to me. I will never forget this one time, I was a little older, maybe in middle school. I had seen this kid around and I knew he was friends with some of my friends, so I wanted to talk to him. I knew he lived in my grandmother's neighborhood, where I went after school because he hung out with my other friend that lived there.
I went up to him one day and said "hey, you live in my grandma's neighborhood, right?" He responded with "I don't know where your grandma lives." I replied "Oh, yeah, where Amelia lives. I've seen you around and I wanted to say hi." He basically just told me he had to get to class or something, but later I told my friend Amelia what happened, and she explained to me how that was basically a stranger going up to someone saying "I know where you live." I had no idea that's how it came off. Ever since then, I really have to think about how to talk to people. That guy was always nice to me, but I always felt like he was a little uncomfortable around me and I felt bad for that. As a kid, I struggled a lot with communication. I didn't make a lot of eye contact either. Sometimes, I would also walk on the sides of my feet. I tripped over myself a lot as well.
I was also an extremely picky eater. We used to go to McDonalds a lot and I would peel the skin off of the chicken nuggets to eat them. I also never liked sauce much, but I would pour the salt packets out as if they were sauce and dip fries into the salt. I also would not eat crumbs out of anything. I only liked the softer fries as well. I wouldn't eat the crunch ones. I did not like my food touching at all. If it was, I wouldn't eat it. I didn't like pizza or cake. I ate macaroni and cheese almost every day. I was never willing to try new foods.
There were also the obvious signs, like not liking loud noises, not liking being touched, and not liking bright lights. I think they were more intense than the people around me realized though. I never knew how to speak up about these things because I was so scared of being judged. I never wanted to do things normal kids would want to do. I hated being touched. I was always really awkward about hugging my family. When I was really little, I had a hard time leaving my mom. Loud noises always triggered anxiety for me. I wanted to cover my ears, but I was scared that I would be questioned, so I would just look down instead. I didn't like bright lights either. I hated fireworks. I never wanted to go on family vacations because it meant I had to leave my comfort zone. A lot of things that I ended up enjoying, I would have a meltdown over before we went.
A lot of these things don't seem like things most kids would do. I feel like most kids enjoy vacations or going out with friends. I was the opposite of that. Usually when we went on vacations I enjoyed them after, but even with friends a lot of the time I would just be thinking "when can I go home?" the whole time. It was difficult for me to fit into what was "normal." I never realized I was very different as a kid though. Some of these things may be normal kid things, but I think a lot of them are related to being autistic. If you or anyone you know have similar stories, share them with me!
FYI: All names used are fake for privacy purposes.
Comments