Self- Injury

TRIGGER WARNING: Self- harm, sensitive content

I am a day late writing this, but March 1st was world self- injury day. This is a topic that is very hard for me to talk about and I do not open up about it a lot. I began self- harming around the age of 15. I was abused and I did not know how to cope with my emotions. I have had months in between where I did not self- harm, but I have since off and on. I have currently been clean since July, but it has been very difficult. I also have always worked with people who are likely to self- harm, which can make it even more difficult to stop at times. I started because I believed it was the only way I could feel anything. I was emotionless and felt numb. A part of me wanted someone to notice something was wrong, even though I hid the scars. I did not know how to cope with self- hatred. Self- harm can be very addictive and as much as I have tried to stop; I always go back eventually. I want to share this because a lot of people lack awareness on it. One of the most annoying things I would hear in school was "take your jacket off. It is hot". I couldn't do that. I had scars on my arms. I told myself maybe I'm better off scarring my legs, so it's easier to hide; well, now I can only swim in swim pants and I loved going out swimming in my bathing suit. My scars on my arms are gone, but I still have scars on my legs, so even when it's hot; I'm always wearing pants or long dresses. I wish I had told someone or gotten help. I was too scared to even tell a therapist. To this day, very few of my friends know that I have ever self- harmed.

If you are struggling with self- harm, please know; it does get better and you are not alone. I want you to know that there are other ways to cope. I never thought I could go 7 months without it, but I have. I have been thinking about it a lot lately, but I get up and go find something else to do to occupy myself. It is possible to heal and those scars you see every day are a reminder that you are doing your best to survive. You cannot cut the pain out of your life. Please reach out to someone you trust if you are struggling with self- injury. It can be difficult, but it will be worth it.