Happy Valentine's Day! Since today is about love I decided to write a post about relationships with someone on the autism spectrum. A lot of people with autism date neurotypicals and sometimes it can be challenging to understand each other. One of the most important things in a relationship is communication, so this can be difficult.
When you are dating someone on the spectrum it is important to learn their triggers for when they are upset and how to calm the person down. For example, if your partner does not like changes in their routine, you guys could work out a system and stick to a plan. If your partner has a meltdown because something changed, do not get upset with them. It is better to be there for them than get angry about their frustration. A lot of people with autism get told they are childish or immature by their partner. This can be jokingly or out of anger; however, a lot of people on the spectrum do not want to hear this. They want to feel like they are capable of being in a relationship with someone. It is true that some people on the spectrum may come off a little childish with their obsessions, but this does not mean they are children. They may not have the support they need and be looking for it from you as their partner.
Telling your partner that they have to adapt to the world might make them feel like no one is willing to understand them. It is true that those of us with autism have to adjust to the world, but sometimes we would like people to adjust to us as well. It should not all be one sided. It is important to try to understand your partner rather than assuming they don't know what they are talking about. It is also important that you do not make your partner with autism feel bad for having sensory issues. A lot of us with autism will run (literally) when we are uncomfortable in a situation. This could be due to loud noises, crowds, being touched, small spaces, etc. We are not trying to cause a scene. Both you and your partner may need to discuss sensory needs. It is important for the partner of the person with autism to stay calm and understand the situation. You should not assume it is for attention. It is most likely more than that.
Communication can be difficult for those of us with autism, so we may have difficulty expressing how we feel verbally. I like to spend a lot of time with my partner, write how I feel, or use physical touch to show affection. This is easier for me than saying verbally how much I care. It is okay to communicate differently from your partner as long as you can understand each other. Make sure you are clear about what you are trying to say and be willing to explain if your partner does not understand.
I think one of the biggest issues with relationships between someone with autism and neurotypicals is lack of communication. The person on the spectrum may say something and the neurotypical person takes offense to it, then it causes an argument. There is also the case where both partners are agreeing on something, but because they express it so differently they do not understand each other and it causes an argument. It is extremely important that neurotypicals learn the language of the person on the spectrum. The person on the spectrum should also learn to understand their partner. Maybe writing down your thoughts or thinking of new strategies for communication would be beneficial to these couples. If both partners have the patience to learn to adapt to each other it could lead to an amazing relationship.
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