My sister brought something up the other day that reminded me of how scared of the world I was when I was younger. She reminded me how terrified of the movie theater I was. I remember everyone thinking I was so weird for this. It makes a lot of sense now. I hated loud noises, was light sensitive, and scared of the dark. The movies was not my favorite place and 3D movies were even worse. I couldn't watch them because I was too scared. This may have had to do with the fact that things jump out at you and I didn't really like how that made me feel inside. I did begin to like it once my family had me going more often, but had we known my issues sooner maybe I wouldn't have been questioned so much about this fear. I was terrified of heights (and still am). I tried to hide this occasionally because the extent was so extreme, but I realize now it didn't really matter how scared I was. I remember seeing other kids walk up stairs and now hold onto the railing and thinking "how are they not terrified of falling?". I was the kid who needed to hold onto it because I had that internal fear of falling. I got scared just going to the second floor of places and looking down. I remember a lot of people I knew thought it was weird that I was so scared of stairs, but had no fear of elevators. A lot of the people I knew were scared of getting stuck in elevators. I think this is because if an elevator gets stuck eventually someone would notice and come help. If I fall down a flight of stairs I am probably going to end up being hurt. I'd rather sit in a small space for a while than be injured. I never really understood the fear of elevators. I was scared of escalators though. A lot of people found this weird as well, but I think it also has to do with height. I could never look down while riding an escalator without feeling like I am going to fall.
I am still scared of heights, but not to this extreme. I still cannot do roller coasters. I still get scared going up stairs or escalators, but maybe not at the second floor. Now it is probably like the 4th floor and with escalators they have to be the really high ones. I have a fear of going in airplanes, but it is a lot more manageable now than when I was younger. This is another uncommon fear, but I was terrified of vacuum cleaners or those machines at the arcade or the bank that suck in your dollar bill. I was terrified that I would get sucked into these things. I can't explain why, but I had a very big fear of these things. I still am not a fan of vacuum cleaners. It could have just been the fear of the unknown. I never really knew what happened when these machines sucked things up, but it scared me.
I was also terrified of dogs and this is a common fear, but it was to the point that I had to see a therapist to get over the fear. I still don't really like dogs, but I can tolerate them. I think I was scared for the same reasons I don't like them. They are loud, lick you, and jump on you. I know these are sweet things to most people, but I hate having things in my space and I don't like being touched. I also scare very easily, so having barking occur out of nowhere gives me a lot of jump scares. It gets annoying after a while. I am not sure if these are also reasons, but my room growing up was close to a window facing my back neighbors who had two big dogs that barked all the time when I was trying to sleep and I already struggled to sleep as it is. It got really irritating. My best friend growing up also had a dog that would hump me all the time and I would freak out every time it did it. This might have built a fear or dislike towards dogs as well. I also had severe paranoia as a kid. I always felt like I was being watched or someone was going to break in. I'm not really sure why this was, but it was stressful being so young and so scared of the world. This may have been more of an anxiety issue. I also have a general anxiety disorder. I have gotten over this a lot, but I still worry excessively about certain things. These are just some of my fears. I have a few more, but these are the major ones.
I wanted to share this because it is important to be aware of these kinds of things in kids or anyone that may have a disability. I hope other people can have someone listen to them and help them with their fears. I did not know how to speak up about my fears and kept a lot of them internalized. I only really got a lot of help with the fear of dogs because it was a very obvious fear since I ran away from them. My family knew about some of the other fears I had, but they didn't really understand why I was so scared. We have a better understanding now that I am diagnosed and it is so important to understand fears to see what you can do about them. There were so many times when I was younger that if I just had noise cancelling headphones maybe I would not have been so scared. Some of my fears probably made no sense and some still don't, but I think knowing them is important to try to find ways to solve them. If you know someone with a disability or have one it is important to talk about this kind of stuff to try to overcome your fears. This may also be good to know if you suspect someone may have a disability. It may be more than just an irrational fear.
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