Empathy or Sympathy?

I've mentioned the stereotype that autistic people lack empathy, but a lot of people mistake empathy for sympathy. They are not the same thing! Empathy is more of really being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes, whereas sympathy is more the act of caring for someone and wanting to comfort them. The stereotype that autistic people lack empathy is not always true and most of us definitely don't lack sympathy. A lot of people would say that autistic people don't feel emotion and that is another stereotype that isn't true. We have feelings; we just don't always express them the way people are used to seeing them expressed.

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes or being able to understand what someone else is feeling. A lot of autistic people do struggle with this; however, not all of the autistic community does. This is something that I personally struggle with. This does not mean we don't care. I care a lot about people. It is extremely difficult for me to express that I care because I don't know how to relate to people, so I come off as cold or rude. I have only ever lived inside my body, so my experiences are the only ones I truly know. It is difficult to imagine a different life, when I have never lived as someone else if that makes sense. It isn't me trying to be rude. It's just a communication deficit. Autistic brains are different from neurotypical brains, so we don't think the same. I can't understand logically some of the issues neurotypicals have, but I do want to support them and care for them as much as possible. People tend to push me away assuming I don't care. That isn't the case. I usually care, but I can't understand their problem, so it sounds harsh. Those of us with autism who lack empathy want to help and we do care. We just can't always express that.

Sympathy is the acknowledgement that another person is struggling physically or emotionally and supporting them or comforting them. This is why I say autistic people are not emotionless. Even the stereotype states that we lack empathy; not sympathy. I still think a lot of people don't realize they are not the same thing though. Sympathy is more the ability to care for someone and be there, whereas empathy was the ability to actually understand someone. Autistic people care about people around them, but not all of us can empathize as much as we want to. If I see someone crying or in physical pain, I will try to talk to them or help them as much as I can. I get stuck in trying to relate to them though. A lot of people want a story they can relate to for comfort, which I feel like is why people think we don't care. It is hard for autistic people to relate, especially to neurotypical people because we literally have different brain structures. We don't relate to anyone the same way a neurotypical would. I have seen people around me crying, even the ones I don't know well and I will start crying because I feel sad. I struggle with comforting them because I never know what to say. Autistic people do have feelings and we want to help. Please don't assume we don't care just because we can't verbally express how we feel. If an autistic person is just sitting there next to you while you're in pain and hasn't left the room, they probably care a lot more than you realize.

The stereotype that autistic people lack emotions needs to end. Autistic people care so much more than anyone realizes. A lot of us just struggle to much to communicate that. Not every autistic person is the same and some of these characteristics may not pertain to all of the autistic community, but it should not be a stereotype. A lot of autistic people do not lack sympathy nor empathy. There are some that may struggle with empathy, but the majority at least have sympathy. Autistic people come off as if we don't care at times, but I think part of that is we are afraid to make the situation worse by saying the wrong thing. We also sometimes just don't know what to say or how to relate. Personally, I usually just sit there and listen to the person next to me, while they tell me what's bothering them. I don't usually have much input on the situation, but to me just being there is enough. I assume they appreciate me there too, but I can't speak for them. I wanted to elaborate on empathy versus sympathy because I realized a lot of people struggle to know the difference. I hope this helps everyone understand a little more about the difference in the two. If there is anything else you are interested in learning about autism, feel free to comment!