I am slowly learning that a lot of neurotypicals don't know what to do with me. I'm not saying they can't be around me or anything, but I feel like they don't know how to act around me. The other night I was having dinner with my family and I noticed they were talking about food, travels, and other aspects of their life. Those of us with autism often have very specific interests; therefore, these aren't things that really interest all of us.
I've mentioned before I'm picky about food. You might be thinking "well a lot of people are picky," but for me it is extreme. My diet is basically carbs (e.g, buttered noodles, plain rice, bread with butter, plain potatoes). My food has to be very plain (no sauce), I don't like it too crispy, and I don't really like skin on anything (e.g, fruit, chicken, steak, potatoes). Because I don't really like the idea of trying new things and I don't really get why anyone would it's not really a topic of interest for me. I don't travel as much as most people because I am very routine oriented. I don't like change. This can make traveling difficult. When it comes to my life, I prefer to keep to myself. I find it difficult to relate to other people or express my emotions. I often feel like neurotypicals don't get me because I think so differently. A lot of people know how to filter themselves, whereas I don't always. I think to me telling the truth is more important than worrying about how I will make someone feel, but most people would rather just lie. Personally, I'll never understand that.
For most people eloping is a common term for running off to get married; however, a lot of people forget elopement can also be common in autism. Elopement is a term for running away or wandering away from caregivers, usually to a safe, secure place. This is something a lot of us with autism do. I know a lot of us do it at stores because we get distracted over toys or something else that interests us. We also do it in times of stress to escape the situation. I have another theory as to why we do it. I think a lot of individuals with autism run away because they never feel safe or understood. They never really feel included in social interactions.
I used to think my mom was just ignoring me or not listening because of all the awkward silences. Now I am realizing I just never gave her much to work with because I'm quiet, have difficulty expressing myself and have limited interests. Individuals with autism aren't just escaping from stress; we're escaping from the reality of life. When I was younger, I would literally run away from my mom. I didn't really know why. I couldn't express what I was feeling. It almost looked like I was scared to be near her. Last night it hit me. I was just running to find a safe place, but it was never found, so I ran again and again hoping to find that place. I think a lot of individuals with autism have this idea that they will end up alone, so we run in hope to find somewhere we don't feel alone. I think in the end we just need to adapt to the world and maybe the world could adapt to us a little more.
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