I've been wanting to talk about the communication deficits autistic people face. A lot of the time we are misunderstood because we don't always know exactly what to say or how to say it. When we do speak, it is often different from what the average neurotypical person would say. It can seem as if autistic people have their own communication and neurotypical people have another form of communication that is their own. They are not always the same way of communicating.
People who are autistic have a different communication form than neurotypicals. A lot of the time neurotypical people think their way of doing something is the correct way. For example, a neurotypical person and an autistic person may need to build something. The neurotypical person may find an easier way to do it, while the autistic person uses a different method that may be slower. The neurotypical person might believe their way is right because it is quicker; however, they both got it done, so it shouldn't matter how it was done. There isn't one way that's better than the other when you come to the same conclusion.
People with autism take things very literally. I talked about this a little in my post "Sayings That Don't Make Sense". This makes it hard to understand sayings and sarcasm. I've also noticed when we say literal things or exactly what we're thinking, people find it funny and it can be hard for us to understand why it's so funny. This can make communication awkward between neurotypicals and those of us with autism. I personally tend to tell people they're annoying without really thinking about it, but I don't mean to say it rudely. In my head I'm just trying to explain to them that I'm overwhelmed, but they tell me I'm being rude. I think this is where communication between neurotypicals and people with autism differs.
Hinting things out to an autistic person also does not work. I constantly get told that my friends "hinted out" what they wanted and I have no idea what they're talking about. I also get told I'm really passive aggressive when I'm not trying to be. I think both of these happen in autism often. When you think we're acting like we don't understand we probably actually don't. I've been accused of "playing dumb" when I genuinely don't understand. I also ask a million questions when people tell me things. Autistic people like to know EVERY detail about most things. They are either trying to understand exactly what you are asking of them or they just want to have as much knowledge of the situation as possible. Autistic people don't ask questions just to be annoying. They are genuinely curious about the topic. Try your best to be patient when speaking to someone with autism. We require patience.
The biggest struggle in communication for autistic people is that we have no idea what to talk about. There have been several times where I want to be included in people's conversations, but I don't know what to talk about. This is also why we struggle to make friends. A common sign of autism is special interests, so that's all we want to talk about. One of my special interests is learning about disabilities. When someone mentions a disability to me, I can talk nonstop about that, but if someone mentions anything I'm not interested in, it's really difficult for me to talk. I'm not sure if this is every autistic person, but I also struggle to talk in groups. I talk more when it's one on one. It's a lot easier to manage speaking to one person than having to follow several different conversations at the same time. I heard something in a video once about autism. They were talking about how neurotypicals can block out surrounding noises when having a conversation with someone, while autistic people can't do that. An autistic person hears all the surrounding sounds while having a conversation, which is one of the causes of overstimulation. This also makes it hard to hold conversations for us.
The easiest way to have a conversation with someone with autism is to ask them questions or to find something they are interested in and discuss that. A lot of autistic people don't know how to make small talk or don't like small talk. I personally think it's pointless, but I still want to have conversations with people. I tend to either not say anything or ramble when I meet people. It's hard to find a middle ground as someone with autism, so it is easier if you try to help hold the conversation. If you know the person with autism has no interest in a topic, then try to ask them questions about it to see if you can include them. An example could be food. I don't like a lot of food, but people always talk about it. You can ask their favorite food or favorite restaurant. You can also ask why they like certain foods or don't like them. Sometimes the person may not have answers, but just the fact that you asked will make them feel more included in the conversation. It can be difficult to communicate with an autistic person, but they will appreciate the effort.
We often feel excluded from conversations or like we aren't good enough because people don't put effort into talking to us. People assume we don't want to talk because we are quiet, but the reality is that we just don't know what to say a lot of the time. We still want to be included even if it isn't obvious. I have been working on my communication and how to say the right thing and not come off as rude. We are never trying to hurt anyone's feelings. It can be hard to filter what we say. Even the quiet people with autism want to be included. If they don't speak, then you can find an activity they enjoy. There are several communication forms. They do not all require talking. It can be activities, sign language, or words. Try to find what works best with the person you are working with. I hope this gives a better understanding of how we communicate.
Comments