1. "You don't look autistic."
There is no look to autism, so this comment can come off a little rude. It makes it seem like you're assuming there it a look to every disability when there isn't. Not every disability has a look. Autism is a hidden disability. It isn't obvious with everyone. That could be due to masking in some people. Masking is being able to mimic others in order to hide their true autistic symptoms.
2. "You seem normal."
This just makes it seem like you're saying we're too weird. I feel like this one is self- explanatory, but maybe not because people say it a lot. Saying we seem normal just makes it seem like you think of us as so different that we will never fit in. I also don't think there are people who are "normal." Everyone is different in some way.
3. "Everyone is a little autistic."
This is not true. Autism is something that has to be diagnosed. You have to have a certain amount of symptoms to meet the criteria for a diagnosis of autism. Autism can make every day life more difficult for us due to overstimulation. Having one or two symptoms of autism does not make you autistic.
4. "I have ____ too. Maybe I'm autistic."
As I said, having one or two symptoms does not make you autistic. If you have enough, you could be; however having one or two could just mean you have some quirks. There are also several other disabilities that can overlap with autism, so it could be a number of things. Personally I got diagnosed due to sensory issues, social awkwardness, obsessions, difficulty managing relationships, being routine oriented, trouble adjusting to change, and having accompanying intellectual impairment. That is most of what my diagnosis says. I tend to mask really well, so even though it may look like I only have a couple symptoms, I have more than a few. If you really do believe you are autistic and have a lot of symptoms, then try to get tested.
5. "I'm sorry."
There are a lot of people who embrace their autism, so this just isn't necessary; however to those that don't like being autistic, this may just sound like pity. It isn't a bad thing to be autistic. We just think differently from the average neurotypical person.
6. "You must be good at math."
I am actually terrible at math. I never understood it very well. I do enjoy learning it; it just doesn't always make sense. Most of the people I know who are autistic are actually bad at math. This is just a stereotype. I think this comment is lack of knowledge on what autism actually is. There are a lot of people who have learning disabilities with autism. One of those learning disabilities can be dyscalculia, which is a sever difficulty with learning math and working with numbers. I do not have it personally, but I have met people who do. It is important to not assume we are good at things just because there are stereotypes.
7. "You're just using autism as an excuse."
I get told this often. Even though it might seem like an excuses, it isn't. I do say I do things because I'm autistic; however a lot of those things are due to my autism. I understand how it will start to seem like an excuses, but realistically we were diagnosed for a reason. It's because we have so many symptoms of autism, which means a lot of our habits are going to be due to our autism. We are not just using it as an excuses. We are using it more as an explanation of why we are acting the way we are.
8. "Stop stimming."
I am not sure that everyone knows what stimming is, so they may just say things like "stop flapping your hands", "stop shaking your legs", or "stop making that noise". These are all forms of stimming. Stimming is a repetitive movement or noise that autistic people may do. Sometimes people don't understand why we are doing these things and may get annoyed. We do them because they are familiar to us and bring us comfort. I make this noise a lot because I like the sound it makes. Not all people with autism stim, but you should let the ones who like to stim do it. As long as they are not hurting anyone or themselves, they will be fine.
Things To Say Instead
1. "How does it affect you?"
This gives us the opportunity to explain our symptoms without any assumptions. Everyone also has different symptoms, so even if you know someone with autism, you should still ask each person when you meet them. They could be completely different from each other. I know someone who has very different symptoms than I do. It isn't a bad thing; it's just different.
2. "I'm here if you need to talk."
People with autism may struggle more than the average person. This shows that you care about them and are supportive of them through any struggles they are having.
3. "Can I help with anything?"
This kind of goes with the last one, but it's something similar to say. Make sure the person knows you are not judging them and that you'll be there for them regardless of how difficult things may get. It's important to show you care about them. It helps hearing it.
4. "Can you explain what autism is to me?"
This also gives an opportunity to not be judged based on assumptions. It also gives the autistic person a chance to speak and explain what autism is to them. Although autism is known to affect certain aspects of someone's life, it can be different for everyone. This can also give the person to explain how autism affects them if you didn't ask that already.
5. "Would you like to hang out with us?"
This is inclusive. A lot of people with autism already get judged often or are an outcast because people assume we're what they would call "weird". If you get the opportunity to invite someone with autism to join you in some activities, I'm sure they would appreciate being included. It doesn't happen as often as it should. I know people have told me I'm annoying, but I think in reality it's a lack of understanding social cues. Try to include autistic people as much as possible. It's important and can boost their self- esteem.
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